The Crown Jewel of Crims
by Iracabeth.of.Crims.3118
Summary: what if our world was actually the outlands where Iracabeth and Stayne were banished? How would they adjust to present day U.S.A.? my first fanfic, don't be too harsh, or it's OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! *rated T just to be safe! from Racie's pov. but later it will be mine and/or stayne's. now complete. sequel coming soon!
1. The Outlands aka Our World

Not a Friend in the World...

what if our world was actually the outlands where Iracabeth and Stayne were banished? How would they adjust to present day U.S.A.? my first fanfic, don't be too harsh, or it's OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! *rated T just to be safe! from Racie's pov. but later it will be mine and/or stayne's

"Iracabeth of Crims," said my puny headed sister Mirana, doing her weird little hand motions almost menacingly now, "Your crimes against Underland are worthy of death." Alice, the Hatter and all of the denizens of Underland were cheering now, but they stopped when she continued. "_However_ that is against my vows. Therefore you are banished to the outlands. No one is to show you any kindness or ever speak a word to you. You will not have a friend in the world." she sneered. I kept my abnormally large head high, even though I thought I would burst into tears. Then Stayne piped up. I've had a crush on him since the seventh grade. He was my tutor in Dominion over living things. I loved him, and when I became queen I made him my personal knave.

"Majesty," he whined. I rolled my eyes knowing he addressed my sister instead of me, " I hope you bear me no ill will."

"Only this one Ilosovic Stayne," she said, with a grin that rivaled the cheshire cat. "You're to join Iracabeth in banishment from this day to the end of Underland." That made me happy. Maybe I would have a friend in the world. As my former knights handcuffed me to him, I whispered hopefully, "at least we have each other..." apparently he was still pissed at me for slapping him for letting Alice escape, because he drew a dagger as if he wanted to stab me. The hatter had just enough sympathy to cause stayne to drop his dagger, but he pretty much snapped, begging to die. I was shocked that the only living person in the world I trusted tried to kill me! As the guards took us away, and I started screaming, The Hatter started dancing The Futterwhacken or whatever it's called.

There was a swirling black portal with lightning flashes in view, and the card soldiers pushed us in. I screamed. So did Stayne. A lightening bolt broke the chains that held us together. Suddenly we landed in front of a huge yellow and green house. We were on a very strange terrain, as it was black and rough. just then a big yellow machine pulled into view, a school bus, as I learned later. I screamed, so did the person driving, and the children in the bus. just then the door to the yellow house opened, and a girl walked out. She looked exactly like me with a smaller head! she clearly wasn't in a good mood. as she stormed onto the bus, an asian kid with spiky hair dressed in camo clothing tried to taunt her. "Hey, Rosalind, what are you, a clown?"

the girl duly noted as Rosalind snapped back, "I'm the red queen, finn-su, you douche!" another kid in reaper attire asked her another question that took me aback. "hows your foxy sister?"

"shut up, Kevin, you don't need to rub in the fact that everyone likes my little sister better than me. and ps you're way too old for her!" she looked like she was going to cry. she looked like me when I was first put in banishment. you don't graduate dominion over living things and not know when people are at the point where they crack.

"shut it, you bull shits!" yelled the driver who was yapping on the phone and smoking a cigarette. The vehicle sped away down the street.

"sounds like someone I know." muttered stayne. I just sat there stunned. when I finally spoke, I said: "let's go. I know what it's like to see an older sister suffer."

"oh, so you finally have sympathy for someone other than yourself huh?" stayne asked sarcastically.

"shut it you moron!" i hissed. "we're going to wherever she's going, wherever that horrible place is, we will find her."

"and where pray tell is that?" asked stayne like he was teasing me.

"the bus whatever it was said Sacramento City Unified School District. I didn't know the outlands had another name. anyway, she's probably going to school. she looks like she's in 7th or 8th grade. remember the old times, stayne?"

stayne groaned. "great, we have to go the land of the misfits. middle school." we walked down the street, and found a store with a sign that said coffee garden. we walked in.

"I'd like some tadpoles on toast and some caviar and 3 squimberry tarts," i told the cashier. the cashier looked at me liked i had lost my head! "look lady, i don't know what fantasy world you're living in but there's no such thing as a squimberry." she looked at me and said "do you have a brain tumor or something?"

that tore it! "that's it! i've tried to be patient with you, peasant, but now you've sealed your fate. OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! anyone got an ax or something?" by this point, the whole place was looking at me like i truly lost it. "what're you clowns lookin at?" i asked, infuriated. i gave them my signature death ray-dagger look. they all got back to whatever it was they were doing. stayne meanwhile was shaking like a maniac with an elvish grin. "majesty, you gotta try this magical beverage! it's called a mocha coconut freezo! it makes makes me feel so alive and awake!" the floor by him was strewn with empty cups, and he was slurping another one.

"you gonna pay for that one eyes?" asked the rude peasant cashier.

"heh...heh... how about the gift of an autograph from the knave of hearts?"

next thing we knew we were sitting in the middle of the street.


	2. The Adoring Fangirls

stayne's pov

after a couple hours of wandering aimlessly through the streets, we found a few red brick buildings and a sign. i was still jittery from the mocha, but the queen was looking infuriated.

"how do we find this girl?!" she asked.

"uh, my queen, there's a middle school behind you." i pointed out.

"thank you, stayne. why the heck didn't i think of that?" she replied. that was the first time she ever thanked me for anything. so we walked toward the office. a woman was at the front desk. "we're looking for the girl called Rosalind," i said. to which the woman replied "are you her parents?"

"uh, no" i said.

"GET OUT!" yelled the woman. we just stood there. the queen gave me a devilish smile, and we tied her up with a substance called duct tape to a chair. then we walked over to the outdoor area. Rosalind was sitting with a girl in a black robe with clay snakes in her hair. rosalind was pretty easy to spot. when she saw us coming, she shrieked. but instead of running away, she ran towards us.

"OMG! my life is awesome now!" she yelled. before i or the queen knew it, she had us locked in a deadly bear hug. "i thought i was hallucinating. they told me i was hallucinating. but oh my god! you're here. I'm such a huge fan. I watch your movie every freaking night! You really should've won! why did the poor jabberwocky have to freaking die!? why couldn't it be alice?"

"what the hell is a movie?" i asked incredulously.

"don't i know it," replied the queen.

"and you," she said wiggling a finger at me, "why the heck did you try to kill her? you two are totally made for each other!"

"mental" i whispered. i got double slapped before i could even get the word out by both the queen and the girl. "so, fan girl, the ex queen," i got a look for that by both "wants you to help her lead an uprising against her sister."

"AWESOME! I'd love to help. can i at least bring a friend who is loyal, and also a fan?" the queen raised her eyebrows. "MARGAUX! GET OVER HERE YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!" the girl in black came. she looked as awestruck as her friend. then seeing me, she slapped me. how typical.

"we should be going, i heard that my palace will be burned to the ground," said the queen. she struck the ground with her scepter and a red swirly portal opened up. she held hands with margaux, and jumped after us.

she said with a smug look on her face: "i guess mirana forgot about my scepter"

and off we went, with the queen, margaux and rosalind screaming like banshees...


	3. Her Real Name Isn't Rosalind

stayne's pov...

a few moments later:

the queen and the girls had something in common. they could both give me a migraine by screaming, because that's exactly what they did when they fell down the portal. we landed on the chessboard battlefield, and rosalind gasped when she saw the jabberwocky corpse.

"aww, poor baby," she cooed.

"where the hell is alice anyway?!" inquired margaux.

i rolled my eye.

"be on your guard, my loyal subjects, they could be anywhere..." said the queen.

"Uh, Ros, what happened to your hair?" asked margaux

the queen and i gasped. rosalind's formerly short blond hair was now in bright red ringlets, and there was a black mole below her now black eyes. Her head size was increased by a little bit.

"are you...?" the queen was stunned. I was in shock. It was just once, only once. She never told me, it hadn't known, she wore her corset too much for it to be obvious.

just then, the white queen's chess pieces picked up the 2 girls, and ran. Rosalind was kicking, punching and screaming bloody murder, and margaux was too.

"Scarlett" she breathed.


	4. Scarlett's Family Secrets

14 years, 9 months ago...

Stayne and Iracabeth were very, very drunk. She started babbling, so he kissed her to shut her up, and carried her off to bed in one swift movement. The next morning, he remembered none of it. She did. She would soon get a memory that would last forever...or so she thought.

14 years 9 months and 2 days later...

Iracabeth had produced a beautiful baby princess. she named her Scarlett. Stayne never knew about his daughter, because he was out on expeditions 3 months before she was born. then there was the riot pounding on the doors of the castle, led by the Hatter, and his clan.

"DOWN WITH BLUDDY BIG HID!" they chanted. the queen's favorite pet, the Jabberwocky wiped out all of them except for Tarrant Hightopp, aka the mad hatter, who snuck into the castle during this dreadful onslaught. The queen was in a deep sleep, and the princess was in a crib. The hatter snatched the infant out of her crib, and tossed her into the outlands, to be raised by humans, who didn't know who she really was, she just had a horrible temper. She was diagnosed with autism at age 5, and had to go to anger management therapy. Princess Scarlett or Rosalind made friends with a group of girls at lunch at her school, who she thought were awesome. it wasn't till halloween 2012 that she realized who she really was...

Rosalind's POV:

I couldn't believe it! Those crackpot chessmen were making me feel sick, by running too fast, carrying me over their shoulders. I did what came naturally. I hurled on them.

"Watch it Scarlett," a chess piece taunted.

"WHO THE HELL IS SCARLETT!?" I screeched. We reached a grove of cherry trees. mamoreal. oh, great. here comes miss-charm-your-pants-off, i thought. just as i feared, the pinheaded albino, looking just like she did in the movie appeared with her hatter beside her.

"you shouldn't be alive!" yelled the hatter. "You were supposed to die!majesty, i'm so sorry, please forgive me..." he babbled on, until I roared "STOP THAT!" he stopped.

"my dear hatter, why don't we just convince my niece to leave Underland." she said with a sugary smile.

"niece?" i thought. "so you mean, she's..."

"your mother?" the hatter interrupted. "and a terrible one at that. she took out my whole family 2 days after you were born with that horrid jabberwocky! face it, scarlett of crims, your mother is a horrible woman." I blushed beet red in anger. and screamed at the top of my lungs. just then, the grove of cherry trees burst into a purple flame. ten jabberwocky pups flew towards me, pulling a throne, that scooped me up. we flew back to the chessboard.

all I could utter was one word, before I collapsed head first and it all blacked out: "mother?"


	5. Back at the ER and Exciting News!

margaux's pov

I was totally shocked to find that my best friend was the daughter of the red queen. and that she'd now passed out. We were sitting in the ER of the underland medical institute, and the Iracabeth told stayne the whole story.

"You were away inspecting islands for treasure most of my pregnancy. She was abducted before you returned. I tried to tell you, but with all of the events of the Frabjous day, and when you tried to kill me, I just got caught up. I'm so sorry."

just then, a frog nurse came into the waiting room. He shook when he saw Rosalind-or Scarlett's parents. "uh, she's going to be okay, but someone tranquilized her with a hat pin. she'll wake up in about ten min-" stayne jumped at the word "hat pin."

"That dirty lunatic! Where is he!?" he sneered.

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" The red queen roared. "wait a minute, i don't have an army. This is my fault. no, it's his fault. this is so damn confusing! why would he take this out on my daughter!?"

"ok, you can see her now" said the nurse.

When we went into the room, scarlett was looking really pale and pasty. her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled weakly when she saw me.

"your parents are going to build a new, bigger palace." i told her. "they're going to have you help. you're going to live with them now. i guess you won't need to see me anymore."

"of course i will, you're my bestie!" scarlett replied. "in fact, i'll have all my friends visit me, but some of you could be in my court! my parents seem to like you..." she regained energy just thinking about it. "my aunt won't like it though. what if she has tarrant assassinate my family? my mom doesn't even have the crown, and i'm an illegitimate heir, because my parents aren't married. wait..." a wicked giggle escaped Scarlett's now heart shaped lips. "we're going to take back the kingdom. the crown holds the key... and chessur has the power to obtain it. all we need to do is find him, and convince him to take it back for us. and i think i know how..." she produced a catnip ball from her pocket.

scarlett and i told her parents the plan. they were totally on board. we tracked down chessur with the catnip ball.

"you were supposed to be-wait a minute! you're her daughter, huh? well tell your bitchy mother that i have no intention of giving her the crown." scarlett's face turned bright red. "oh, yeah? well you're going to steal it back for my mom, you know why? i've got THIS!" she held out the catnip ball. cheshire cats are apparently hypnotized by catnip, that's what scarlett's mom told me.

"_i am at your service, mistress"_ said the cat in a trance.

"good." i smirked.

"GET THAT GOD DAMN CROWN! KILL FOR IT IF YOU MUST, BUT GET IT NOW!" she yelled. her mother's temper was of good use. in 30 seconds the cat returned.

"_i stole it from her bed, mistress, now can i have my catnip?"_ he asked.

"whatever" she said, and tossed it deep into the woods. the cat grinned and went after it.

we retrieved the crown. stayne met us, and put the crown on iracebeth's head. she became queen again. from the ashes of the castle, a new, bigger one grew. I noticed something. on iracebeth's finger was a gold ring with a heart shaped ruby to match her crown.

"are you engaged?" i inquired.

"yes." she beamed. Scarlett needs a father, so who better than her biological one? We're going to be a family. we're going to be happy again. margaux would you consider living with us? Scarlett needs a friend too." she turned to scarlett. "call me mummy."

scarlett smiled proudly. everything was perfect. for now, at least...


	6. The Great the Terrible the Unexpected

**a/n... some of you have been saying that there isn't a conflict. I promise that a series of conflicts will come soon. I'm planning to drop a real bomb on these characters, so just bear with me the next couple chapters, something really bad will happen to them. ps, there will be some unexpected guests and even crashers at racie and stayne's wedding.**

**back to the story ;D**

chapter 6: Scarlett's P.O.V.

After remodeling my family's castle, Mummy and Daddy finally got married. The only people invited were Margaux, myself, a few friends who I thought my parents would like, and my parents, along with the 10 jabberwocky pups who saved my life. We decided to keep them, and named them Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10. Apparently, the tradition in underland is that the married couple speak at the wedding. Daddy started.

"When I first met the Iracebeth, I tutored her in dominion over living things. At that time I was a selfish, mindless fool who saw her as a blimp headed bitch. I felt this way when she first took the crown, too. When we were highly intoxicated, and I slept with her, i still felt nothing. maybe it was the drink. anyway, she was loyal, and even killed to have me. I was just too blind to realize it. Attempting to kill her was the worst mistake I ever made. When I met our estranged daughter, I knew our love was real, and that were made for each other, no matter how short tempered or pissy she is. when Scarlett almost died because of that idiotic hatter, I proposed with my late mother's wedding ring, remembering that when we were handcuffed together, she said "at least we have each other." I love you Racie, and Scarlett."

Mummy now made her speech.

"Illosovic is many things. In our adolescent years, he was an immature fool to be quite frank with you. Don't pretend I didn't see what you said behind my back. He was also smoking hot, and a softie under that rough exterior. I still loved you. When I found out I was going to have Scarlett, you were at war. Then she was abducted. in my grief, I became even more of a raging tyrant than I already was. I am working on changing with the help of my lovely daughter, Scarlett. She apparently took something called anger management therapy in the outlands. I hope to be a better queen, and a better wife, and mother."

at these words, my friends and i cheered. I couldn't be happier at the moment. the reception was awesome. It should've been, i organized it, and baked the cake. I was greeted by some of my friends.

"well, you look happier than i've ever seen you, your highness," said a familiar voice.

"why thank you, sinclaire" i said with a grin. margaux, sinclaire and I hung out for a while, eating the red velvet cake. mummy appeared in her red rose print wedding dress. "the party is marvelous, darling." she said. "I want to be a better ruler, and spend time with my family and new friends. tomorrow, we can play croquet, ride the pups and have leftover cake on my terrace." the door to the ballroom opened, just then. In walked my aunt Mirana. My blood froze, when I saw tarrant. if this guy could knock me out with a poisoned hat pin, who knows what he'd do now that mummy had her crown back. Behind them was an angry mob. daddy drew his sword. The jabberwocky pups yipped, and breathed purple sparks to try to ward the intruders off.

"WE'VE GOT CRASHERS! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

The new card soldiers appeared, and battle broke out. mummy and aunt mirana were thumping around the room. my friends and i giggled as mummy ripped out a fistful of my aunt's pearl colored hair, and tossed her into a rosebush. She'd be the easiest to defeat. daddy and tarrant were going at each other with swords. Daddy was about to get his sword sent through him, when a gunshot fired through the room. amid the smoke and cussing of the ballroom. I gasped. My friend Airyn, who I knew from the outlands walked in, but he didn't look like how I remembered him. He had frizzy orange hair, and was wearing goth makeup. He had a fedora version of tarrant's hat. This could only mean one thing: Airyn was the son of my aunt's hired assassin!

"LET 'ER GO DAD, YA OL' LUG!" he yelled in a scottish brogue. yep, he was tarrant's kid.

"SHE'S THE BLUDDY BYG HID'S SPAWN, SONNY BOY! YER BEIN' UNREASONABLE!" he spat back with the same accent. unreasonable or not, airyn wrenched the sword out of his father's hands. "FATHER!" he yelled. "i'm fine..." tarrant replied in a meek innocent voice. "what is that?" he asked. "it's a gun." his son replied. "is it magic?" tarrant inquired. airyn smirked. "dad, if you use a gun the right way, it is." "good, then you'll have to show your sister.

"sister?" i blurted. for all I know, airyn was an only child. Just then my friend Dariya walked in in a lime green tutu skirt to match airyn's skinny jeans. she was wearing a mini top hat threaded into her flaxen hair. the two siblings dragged their dad out of the room, and locked him out. i heard a lot of unintelligible cussing in a heavy scottish accent. "THIS ISN'T OVER, SCARLETT ROSE STAYNE!" he yelled.

xxx

the next morning...

mummy told me some great news. she was pregnant as of last night. daddy choked on his espresso. "uh, racie, i really don't think that another child is a good idea. you'd be a bigger, slower, more vulnerable target for your sister." "i'm willing to take that chance." she replied. I was excited for a new sibling. I hoped it would be a boy, because I didn't want to end up fighting with her like mummy did with aunt mirana. just then mc. twisp the rabbit arrived in a white and silver waistcoat. "a letter from the white queen, mirana of marmoreal." he said.

mummy read the letter with heart shaped spectacles. she gasped. then she showed me.

_dear Iracebeth,_

_Since my palace was burned down last night by your CREATURES, i'm going to have to stay with you for about 9 months starting tomorrow. don't try to stop me because if you do, i'll tell them all about the time you beheaded my innocent teddy bears when i was 2. if that threat won't work, i've got plenty of other embarrassing stories to share. :)_

_xoxo:):):)_

_Mirana._

__"i think i'm gonna puke" she yelled, then hurled all over the rabbit. daddy and i giggled.

"this is going to be a long 9 months." daddy told me. all I could do was nod.


	7. Unwanted Guests and Baby Names

stayne's pov

a day after the news...

Between her pregnancy and the pressure and anxiety of preparing the castle for her sister and her sister's court, my wife was a mess. she wouldn't stop yelling, which I told her wasn't good for our unborn child, it could make it deaf.

"look, ilosovic, you try nine months of nausea, stress and not fitting your clothes right before you tell me what to do. if my sister finds out about this baby, she'll start another rumor, maybe that i'll abuse it, or that i'm a whore." she snarled.

"since when do you care about what your sister thinks, dearest?" I asked.

"i've been so insecure, my love. I don't want my sister to have the crown, and I want to make sure my darling scarlett gets it when we step down or pass on. but there's been so much stress of late, I don't know how to handle it."

she quickly kissed me, then she went back to ordering the card servants about.

xxx

racie's pov

the doorbell rang. I dreaded this moment. I went into scarlett's room, but there was blasting music...with scarlett singing to it.

_some boys romance, some boys slow dance, that's alright with me,_

_if they can't raise my interest then I have to let them be..._

_some boys try and some boys lie, but i don't let them play (no way!)_

_only boys that save their pennies make my rainy day!_

I knocked on her door, and she shut off the music. "sorry, i just love madonna." she said. "so, what's up, mummy?" "your aunt is here, sweetheart," i replied. "yeah, should I answer the door?" she asked. "we'll go together." i tried to smile, though I was nervous as hell.

mirana barged through the door when we opened it, with a white sparkly duffle bag in hand. her smug smile was pasted on her face like a china doll. "Hey, racie. still using animals as furniture, i see." she said, glancing up at my couch held up by 2 monkeys. my decor was none of her business! she eyed ilosovic. "and you married one eyes too. i can't believe you had a kid before that! you are such a whore! is that why you married him? you can't raise a kid with that temper of yours. are you going to kill her?"

"SHUT UP!" i screeched. my face turned bright red again.

"now, racie, that's not a nice way to treat your guests now is it..." she smirked. that dastardly hatter showed up, too with his two children that my daughter and adopted daughter seemed to like.

scarlett just stood there open mouthed.

"there there scarlett, it's not your fault you're the love child of an evil whore with an oversized head, and her overly tall half blind husband." added tarrant. i seethed in anger. "uh... margaux and I made some outlandish food for dinner. we like to cook, so if you guys want dinner, it's on the table." scarlett said trying to break it up. margaux nodded.

xxx

"what the hells this!?" asked my picky sister.

"it's a bacon cheeseburger. try it. it's good. " margaux said blankly. "we have garlic rosemary fries too-" my sister cut my adoptive daughter off.

"But...I can't eat animal products...I'M A VEGAN! YOU ARE SO INSENSITIVE, IRACEBETH WHY DID YOU HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER MAKE THIS SHIT!?"

"dont you eat buttered fingers? suck it up, auntie. " growled scarlett who was tucking into the said sandwich. airyn and dariya ate their food with the two princesses, me, and ilosovic. tarrant eyed his food, but then ate it. "this is rather tasty, scarlett. do you think you could make this into tea sandwiches?" to which my daughter replied "I guess if you cut it up. I'll have to try it sometime." she smiled. I couldn't believe this loon was buttering up my daughter like that. no one talked for a while, and to end the awkward silence, scarlett ran off to get dessert.

"i made chocolate mousse with brownies." she smiled. As soon as I smelled the chocolate, I got this serious craving, and devoured my portion. then I ate my sister's. "what the hell was that for?" she asked. "it isn't healthy for you to do that. you should really watch your weight anyway..." Just then, I ran off to the bathroom to throw up. I heard voices arguing from the bathroom.

"what is wrong with her?" inquired mirana. "omg, did you knock her up again, stayne? you could get stds, you know..."

"Yes, she is pregnant, and I want you to either leave her alone or leave the castle." I heard him draw his sword and tarrant did too.

"do you really love her, because last time I checked, you tried to seduce alice and then tried to kill her. i also think you're using her for sex." smirked airyn.

"oh, shut up!" yelled my husband. Dariya was trying to break the fight up, but everyone was brawling on the table when I got back. Scarlett screamed really loud to break it up. they stopped fighting.

"oh, racie, is it true?" asked my stupid sister.

"uh, yeah, don't rub in the fact that you got fixed like a dog." i said coldly.

"I just want to remain pure." said mirana. "what's wrong with that?

"eeeeeeww," said all 4 kids in unison.

Scarlett and Margaux went to bed to watch a movie that they really liked. It was something "about a barber with skunk hair who killed a bunch of people because this creepy judge banished him out of the country, and had sexual relations with his goody-2-shoes wife, and took custody of his ditzy desperate daughter, which wasn't a good idea, because his baker accomplice was a perfect match for him." the quotes were the summary in my daughter's words i watched it with her. I really disliked the ending. why the hell did the barber kill the baker? his wife was a RAPIST BEGGAR WOMAN WITH MENTAL ISSUES FOR GOD SAKES! Why couldn't they just have lived happily ever after by the sea? besides, personally i think skunk hair's sexy. I wish Ilosovic wore his hair that way. After the movie, I went to bed.

"what were you doing?" asked ilosovic. his armor was gone, exposing his perfect muscular chest. "watching a movie with the girls. What would you think if you got a white streak in your hair like sweeney todd?" "what? who?" he asked. "never mind." i rolled my eyes. "what are we going to name the baby?" he asked all of a sudden. "If it's a boy, I like the name Dominic." i replied. "leo sounds good too, though, or maybe Tobias, like the character from the movie I just watched. I like how protective he was of his mother." "And if it's a girl?" asked my husband, "I don't know about you, but I've always liked the name annalise..." "I like Ruby or Regina." I said. "I really hope she leaves soon." he said. "I mean, I can't stand to see her stab insults. and she says it's against her vows to harm any living creature," he added. I smirked. "have you heard of a hypocrite, love?" I asked sarcastically. he was so dense sometimes. but I loved him. Soon, I fell asleep in his brawny arms.


	8. Corsets: HANDLE WITH CAUTION!

**If you are reading my fanfiction, before you read this chapter, you've got to see this. This is a very important clarification note. First of all, Ilosovic and Racie did go through time and space, and so did Scarlett. In order to get revenge on Tarrant for possibly ruining her chances of seeing her daughter again, she took his three year old son, and infant daughter that he had with his late wife (killed in the siege), took them through time and space and separated them. Margaux was adopted by the queen and new crowned king, and she's Scarlett's best friend from the outlands. However, Scarlett is going to be queen, because her parents think it's fair because she's the eldest. Oh, yeah, I don't own Alice in Wonderland. Kudos to Tim Burton & Lewis Carroll...back to the story...**

Margaux's P.O.V:

I woke to the sound of my adoptive mom screaming. I wondered if the baby was coming. I decided that it was too early, she was only 3 months along. Scarlett was in the bed next to me, snoring. She was a heavy sleeper. I poked her until she opened her eyes groggily. "Did you hear that?" I asked. "What?" she replied. "Your mom's screaming about something."

"is the baby coming?"

"yeah, she's in labor 6 months early" I said sarcastically.

"oh." she said "maybe she's yelling at daddy about something. You wanna see?" i nodded.

we walked down the hall in red velvet bathrobes and slippers. When we entered Iracebeth's room, she was on one of those corset tying machines. Ilosovic rolled his eye as she screamed when he pulled it. Every time she screamed she put a hand on her slightly bloated middle.

"I told you this was a bad idea!" he told her trying to stay calm. "you're going to hurt the baby!" Iracebeth on the other hand was fighting to breathe. the corset was too tight for her new figure and she collapsed into her husband's arms.

The medical doctors came in, and put her on her bed. Ilosovic started doing CPR, muttering something about "dumb ideas" and "risking our baby's life to look good." A few minutes later, we heard this smacking noise, and Iracebeth's eye's fluttered open. She crushed him to her and they kissed. She turned to the doctors and sneered:

"WELL!? DID I LOSE THE KID!? IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL!? I AM NOT A PATIENT MONARCH!"

One doctor looked nervously at his companion. "Well...nothing died, so that's good. as for genders, it's both." Ilosovic looked nervously at his wife. "Iracebeth, you're carrying twins."

Everyone's jaws dropped. There was a moment of silence, then Mirana walked in.

"Why does all your furniture have something to do with animal abuse!?" she asked, grousing about the featherbed. "Really, the doctors are here for you, but not for these poor animals?" everyone stood silent before Ilosovic spoke "Look, my wife is in a fragile state and you should just-"

"LEAVE US!" iracebeth interrupted. scarlett and i turned to go, but she pulled us into a hug. "Sorry sweethearts, but I've got to talk to your father about your aunt, and the plans for the babies. we've also got a surprise for you guys. when my sister was born, everyone gave her gifts, but as the eldest, you two deserve something. I hope you get along, and don't ruin your relationship like i did." Mirana and the doctors were still there. she turned to them. "Why the hell are you still here, huh!? Who said you could eavesdrop on your queen? GET OUT OR IT'LL BE OFF WITH-" they ran out before she could finish. we left smirking behind them.


	9. A romantic moment, and HAIRSPRAY!

Ilosovic's Point of View:

"ILOSOVIC!" yelled a voice from the throne room. I rolled my eye. The doctor ordered my wife to take it easy, and delegate the ruling to me in her condition. She agreed, skeptically. _oh, great._ I thought _maybe its her FABULOUS hormones. or maybe she's craving tarts again. what's a king to do when he's trying to fill out important paperwork and his pregnant wife is bugging him!? _

"Coming, darling!" I yelled from the study. I loved the woman to death, but sometimes she was a royal pain! Literally. I walked into the throne room to find her reclining her feet on a pig, probably the 10th one today, rubbing her belly absently. "You asked to see me, your majesty?" i smirked sarcastically "Why are you still wearing your boots?" "the girls went to have tea in the garden with Tarrant's kids." she said. "I should've asked them to take off my boots, because I'm getting way too big to reach my laces. feels like full term with Scarlett when i'm only 5 months."

"Well at least you aren't wearing a corset anymore." I muttered. I unlaced her black leather boots and rubbed her feet, as the grateful pig ran off. Racie let out a sigh of relief. I got up and started to go work on another set of new laws and such (civil ones). "WAIT!" she screeched. "yeah?" I asked. "You've been working so hard, why don't you come and rest a while with me."

"I really should get back to-"

"SIT!" she protested.

We sat for a moment. "we still haven't decided on names yet." I said, snaking an arm around her waist so i could caress the bump in the fabric of her dress. "Well, we're having a boy and a girl so you name the boy, I name the girl. after all you named Scarlett." We thought for a while, before she spoke up.

"Tobias Leo Stayne." she said. you thought of anything?

"Annalise Ruby Stayne," I replied.

"Love it." she replied. "Hey, I'm gonna go into Scarlett's room and check out this device from the outlands she has. it tells stories with moving pictures. she calls it TV." She told me that there's a really good movie about a girl who uses a lot of hair product and dances on this device. It's called Hairspray."

"Okay." I replied. I brought her some of her favorite squimberry tarts to eat. She called Scarlett and Margaux in to watch it with her. They were laughing and smiling all the while. I watched, and then came to join them. I must say this movie was very good and amusing and taught a good lesson to racists, and bigots. We were happy for once, and completely forgot about our unwanted visitors. for now...

**Fun fact: i'm actually watching Hairspray now! You can't stop the beat! :D**


	10. Well This Sucks: Bad Publicity

Scarlett's P.O.V:

"I wanna go shopping!" i said. "is there some kind of mall or something?" My mom was having really bad morning sickness and my dad didn't want to go shopping, because he had to take care of her. (in truth i think he didn't want to go to a mall.) my aunt smiled a sickeningly sweet smile and said that she'd take me. I felt uncomfortable so i took margaux with me.

later...

"do you really want to wear _that?_" pestered aunt Mirana. "what will your subjects think? you're going to be queen one day." Margaux rolled her eyes at this nutty lady who i still couldn't believe i was related to.

"future queens should have the right to wear fishnets! Ugh, I want mummy! you're no fun." i retorted. "Now scarlett, that's not nice." my aunt tried to explain. "a lady doesn't wear fishnets." "i wear what i want goddammit!"i yelled back. Her eyes widened.

Just then Chess took a picture of me screaming at my aunt. I didn't think about how bad it'd be until later.

At the checkout, I didn't have enough to buy the stuff i wanted, so i picked a bit of money from my aunt's pockets. as i stooped to snatch the money from her purse, i heard a click and saw a blinding flash. i paid for the clothes and left with margaux. our aunt wasn't there though.

The next day at breakfast...

"SCARLETT!" yelled mummy and daddy in unison. i'm royally in trouble. I cautiously walked into my parents' room and saw a newspaper with images of me on the front page.

"Can you explain the meaning of this, young lady?" asked daddy.

"uh...Auntie Mirana didn't let me buy fishnets, so i kind of cussed her out and robbed her blind." Mummy burst out laughing. Daddy nudged her and she stopped. "I thought we raised you better than this!" she exclaimed. "yeah, well you only just knew me for about a year, so i doubt you realized that my 15th birthday is in 2 weeks. i don't expect daddy to know, but you gave birth to me, mummy!" i started to rant. "seems like you care more about my siblings than me, and they're not even born yet!" i ran out in tears, slamming the mahogany door behind me.


	11. The Uprising and the Suspicious Visitor

Iracebeth's P.O.V:

after scarlett ran out of our room shrieking, i heard a rustling in the bushes. Margaux rushed in hyperventilating. "what is it, darling?" i asked.

"They T.P'd our castle!" she exclaimed

"WHAT!?"

"There's an angry mob. someone's leading them over here! They're bleaching your rose garden."

"Mirana..." i growled

my husband woke up after i slapped him in the face. "wake up you oaf! someone just tp'd our castle, bleached my roses, wait...bleached my roses...alice!"

Ilosovic shuddered. "you better not seduce her this time.." i joked. "Margaux get scarlett!"

"but she won't allow anyone in our room!"

"Fine, I'll go. But you'll regret making me walk, i'm really slow in my state." i waddled over to scarlett's room. "GO AWAY!" she roared. wow, she really did inherit my temper. "Lettie, please. I need to talk to you. Right now, we need your help to get rid of Alice and stop some kind of uprising from the citizens. After we do that we'll do anything you want on your birthday." Immediately the door clicked open and Scarlett's tear stained face stared back at me.

"Why are you crying, honey did i do something?" i asked.

"Is Alice gonna take our castle away? Then I'll never get the chance to be queen...thats why i'm sad. I want our family to rule, but not Mirana. I hate her. She must've paid Chess to take those pictures of me when we were shopping. I'm going to learn how to control my temper."

I squeezed her hand. "It won't be that bad if she takes our castle away. if she does, we'll leave underland for good. whatever happens, we have each other. And we'll learn how to control our tempers together." She smiled. "I wanna be your champion." she declared. "No!" i shouted. "It's too dangerous! I don't want my real baby to die!" Margaux walked in. "We'll do it together. we can take her down." she said. "besides, if I do die, you'll have the twins when they're born." I fought back some tears. before I could stop them, the 2 girls sprinted out of the castle and over to the mob.

"DOWN WITH BLUDDY BIG HEAD!" they chanted. I watched from the balcony. I heard a scream. Scarlett was pulling the assumed Alice's tangled mess of hair. this girl didn't look as old as Alice though, about six years old, like Alice at her first visit. Scarlett realized it too. "Who are you!?" she thundered. "Alison Margaret Boone. I'm Alice Kingsleigh's great great granddaughter." "Why are you here?" she asked. "To prove my birthright. My godmother sent me here." Her godmother? wait...Mirana!

"THROW HER ON THE GROUND SO SHE CAN KNEEL BEFORE HER PRINCESS!" I shouted. The guards forced her to the ground as she struggled to get back up. Margaux looked horrified. "OK, mummy just spare her!" she yelled. "I know you're trying to protect us, but you can't take an innocent 6 year old's life." Scarlett added, "Just because she's a descendant of our family's enemy doesn't mean she did anything wrong. Maybe we can change her."

"Good point!" i said. "This girl will be put into our royal care. She will want for nothing as long as she does things _our_ way." The guards dragged the girl into the castle. The 2 girls followed. Alison had a wicked looking smirk on her face. Somehow, I knew I'd regret this!


	12. fluttering and exchanging dna

Iracebeth's P.O.V:

A week after Alison came to stay with us, she fell madly in love with Tarrant's oldest. "I wuv you, Airy!" she'd exclaim, attempting to grab him, when she was way too short. Poor Airyn looked like she was squeezing the life out of him. Dariya always burst out laughing at this, calling him a poor sap, and the princesses joined in. Even Ilosovic and i couldn't help laughing. Scarlett and I found the girl very irritating. She was after all, a descendant of Alice. She asked a lot of questions too, especially geared toward my pregnancy.

"Is the guy with the eye patch really the dad?" "Wow you're huge! are you sure you're not having triplets?" and my personal "favorite," "How did the babies get inside you? did you eat them? that's what evil people like you do."

"They had sex." scarlett said bluntly.

"whats sex?" she asked. here we go again, i thought. I looked over at my husband, and said, "Tell her."

"well," he began, "When a mummy and a daddy love each other very much, they-"

"Exchange dna. the guy plugs his balls into the girl." Airyn yelled, from the room down the hall.

"Ugh, you make it sound so crass!" yelled Ilosovic. "Stay out of it, Baby Daddy, you started this!" he yelled back.

with that, Ilosovic went over to Tarrant's room.

I was in bed reading a young adult apocalyptic romance novel when he walked in. Immediately i put down the book, and my eyes widened.

"I beat him into next week, for having a smart aleck son. I hope my son doesn't turn out like that!" he looked into my eyes and saw a tear. "darling, what is it?" I grabbed his hands and put them on my swollen belly. One of the babies fluttered inside of me. the I felt the other one move too. "those are our kids." i said. he nodded.

"you wanna exchange dna for fun?" I said, mocking alison. "doubt I'll get a triplet in there." He smirked devilishly. "yes, your majesty."

at 2:00 am we fell asleep with bite marks, hickeys and ripped clothing.

"that was fun" i thought.


	13. BEST DAY EVER! scarlett's 15th birthday

Scarlett's POV:

I wanted my birthday. I was pissed because i didn't think anyone remembered it. That changed today.

I woke up in my red satin nightslip to ace, my favorite of the Jabberwocky pups's forked tongue flickering on my face, kissing me. I started giggling. One of the footmen had made chocolate chip pancakes. my favorite. I devoured them, and headed downstairs.

margaux was reading Harry Potter and obsessing over Draco, daddy and mummy were whispering something, Aunt Mirana was scowling disapprovingly of my red satin cocktail dress, shiny leather boots, and her pet peeve: fishnets. my long red hair was teased into an elaborate updo and my gold locket glinted in the sun. Margaux saw me and hugged me. she was dressed in gray and black damask taffeta adorned with card suit shaped onyx and rubies, and a red velvet choker. she looked great too. dariya was cussing out airyn who was taking a drag on a hookah he found from when absolem left. rainbow smoke was puffing everywhere. he looked like a hypocrite because he wore a "say no to drugs" t-shirt.

tarrant was missing, but he reappeared with a wrapped box. I knew it was a hat and i hoped it was good.

i opened up the box. inside was a beautiful mini top hat on a headband made of red velvet with black satin ribbon. there was a flamingo feather, a white rose splatter painted with red paint, and 4 playing cards decorating it: a queen of hearts to represent mummy, a king for daddy, an ace for my favorite pet, and a one eyed jack to symbolize that i'm the eldest, and my dad before he was king. I was so happy when i saw it, i cried, and my heavy mascara smeared.

xxx

that night we made my favorite foods: lasagna and red velvet cake. i was really happy, but also sad. see, when I was in the outlands, I found true love in my boyfriend, grant. now that he lived in underland, he'd never be able to find me. that's when airyn and dariya entered with a duffle bag. inside the duffle bag was muffled screams and punches. Daddy drew his sword and unzipped the duffle bag. grant was inside with his mouth duct taped shut, and tied up. "WHO ARE YOU, OUTLANDISH PEASANT!?" mummy yelled.

"take a pill, it's her boyfriend!" yelled airyn this is our birthday gift.

"So your parents aren't ted and caroline? he asked.

"Pretty much." i said.

we smiled. I opened up more gifts: a choker made of burgundy velvet, a heart shaped ruby, and black seed pearls from daddy as well as a sleek black horse with red streaks in his mane. I named him Klaudius, because i liked that name and when it was spelled with a k it was unique.

margaux got me a black leather diary that played "a little priest" from "sweeney todd" and a gold filagree hair comb with bloodstones in it.

grant got me a bouquet of red roses, a stuffed pig, and a box of salted caramels dipped in chocolate, reminiscent of the day we had our first kiss at a candy store.

airyn also got me more dresses and jewelry plus a scrapbook of all the fun times i had with him since i was 7 and he was 9.

dariya gave me a framed portrait of me that she did myself and a beautiful set of gold croquet mallets embellished with flamingo feathers.

auntie mirana gave me a book on etiquette, and a potion that tasted like strawberry soda (my favorite drink from back home.)

alison just spat in my face and said that she didn't support monarchy. what a brat. she could be worse than honey boo boo from one of my favorite outlandish tv shows.

finally, mummy presented her gifts. I got a bright red convertible with black velvet upholstry and my name written in rhinestones on the license plate. i also recieved an old parchment envelope. inside was a worn down burgundy leather book saying: "love letters to my departed daughter."

it made me happy that she cared. that night i smiled while i slept. it hurt the next morning but i didn't care.


	14. new arrivals

Iracebeth's pov:

I was way past my 3rd trimester. yep, the newest to the stayne family were 12 DAYS LATE! i was stuck sitting on the throne, because (#1) i couldn't see my feet and (#2) i couldn't walk without getting hideous contractions. a typical day was ordering around the servants, talking to my daughters, tarrants kids and husband in the throne room, watching outlandish movies and eating all the truffles i could get. yes, the chocolate craving was back.  
i was trying to sleep on the throne one night, but i couldn't because the babies inside me kicked like crazy. it annoyed me how they moved around as if they had no room, but if you looked at me, you'd think they had plenty! i heard a noise. scarlett, margaux, airyn, dariya, mirana, tarrant, alison, and ilosovic walked downstairs. they wanted to sleep on the floor so i wouldn't be alone. ilosovic pulled me down from the chair like a baby in his arms and let me rest my head on his bare chest. it was so warm and firm and supportive and...wet? oh crap. liquid was flowing out of me. my contractions started up worse than before. i was unmistakably in labor. i shrieked and woke up everyone in the throne room.

"ew, she peed herself!" said alison.

"her water broke, stupid!" dariya smirked

"it's a good thing the carpet is red," airyn burst out laughing and so did his dad and sister. scarlett and margaux were sitting there worried.

ilosovic opened his eye instinctively and sat up. "it's time." i said weakly before screaming and clutching my stomach.

"scarlett, take klaudius and get the doctor three blocks from here. there's no stopping these twins! alison, get the hell out!" he yelled

"ooh you swore!" she crooned.

"NOW!" he yelled. i really did rub off on him. "airyn keep her occupied. margaux and dariya you and scarlett will have to be the midwives."

"but i don't know how to deliver a baby!" margaux complained. dariya said they needed to improvise. that really made me nervous.


	15. meet anna and toby: epilogue!

scarlett's pov.

I rode klaudius into the moonlight. finally i reached the dr's house. "whaddaya want?" he slurred. there was booze on his breath. he was drunk. i grabbed him and threw him up on my horse. when we reached the castle, mummy's tears mixed with the sweat on her forehead.

daddy slapped the doctor sober, and tarrant ushered him out. daddy came back by mummy's side. she grabbed his hand and squeezed it so hard i thought his hand would snap right off!

After a while she started to push. i could see my brother's head crowning. he had my father's black hair but there was a grayish silver streak that reminded me of Sweeney Todd. he had eyes like the ocean, and fair skin. finally, she pushed him out. daddy cut his cord with a dagger, and put him in my arms. i went out to clean him up. when i came back, my sister was welcomed into the world. she was a rare beauty with a waterfall of red-gold hair, eyes like my brother and freckles sprinkled across her nose. i gave them to mummy who started to cry. she was alive, and so were my siblings.

there were now 21 of us now: my parents, my aunt, alison, tarrant, airyn, dariya, the pups, klaudius, margaux, myself, and last but not least, my siblings: Tobias Leo Stayne and Annalise Ruby Stayne. mummy decided that being a queen and a full time mom would be too much, so she gave the crown back to aunt mirana. alison was sent back to the outlands, simply because even mirana got sick of her. airyn still makes fun of my father with his father. sometimes dariya joins in. mummy is alive and well and can walk again without contractions. margaux and i are best friends still. the pups love toby and anna. the twins turned a year old today. last week they learned to walk. today toby said my name. at least he tried. he said "scarlep" my world is perfect for now. i'm living in an annex of my aunt's castle with my family. i couldn't be happier knowing that i belong.


End file.
